I've been having an odd few months. I spent my 20s going to college, then moving to a new city and creating a career for myself that had absolutely nothing to do with the things I did in college. I did pretty well. I'm certainly not a wealthy person, but I don't need to be. I can afford to do the things I enjoy for fun, I sleep comfortably and warm at night, I never go hungry. Not everyone can say that. Yet I feel more and more unsatisfied with my life, and that's an impressive feat I think, being the type of person who is nearly always positive and upbeat and able to find fun in the little things.
I am realizing that the things I do for a living don't matter. Sure, somewhere down the line they matter, but they don't matter to me. I always just assumed I'd do something important with my life and I didn't notice that I wasn't until that fact presented itself to me by surprise one day. I'm 31 now and that's still young in the grand scheme of things, but I'm not gaining more time and I have no road-map on how to do the great things that I, when I was much younger, just knew I'd be doing by now. I don't think I even know what I consider to be important or great. Even if I had that map, would I know what direction to head?
We won't even get into my relationship woes. I'd need a book for that. It weights on me the most, though. The world has been trying to kill the hopeless romantic in me for the last decade and at times I thought it had succeeded, but on rare occasions I will meet someone who stirs that part of me and makes me realize that I'm still clinging on. Or I will remember; and in doing so realize that while those things I recall - sometimes fondly, sometimes painfully - didn't work out, that there's still a chance new and possibly greater things will.
Considering the state of the world, I really have no room to complain. Things could be a lot worse. But realizing things could be worse doesn't mean I can't wish things were better. Or at least, different.
Tell me it's nothing-try to convince me that I'm not drowning
Oh, let me tell you; I am.
15 comments:
Give your compass a whack, sounds like yours is stuck. Look around and figure out where your real passion lies. What really fills your cup? When I need a pick me up I help someone else. Go volunteer and you'll meet lots of other great people too. Chin up, you are young and just getting started. You'll do great things because you choose to.
Good advice, C.
You're not the first to suggest such things.
*sigh* Alright, PI Chaney.
No need to be all stealthy, I think we are ok =)
It really can't be helped. I have ninja blood coursing through my veins.
I always assumed you were hard to spot due to being sma', not because you were ninja. All these years and I never knew!
:)
I'm not that sma, I'm pretty average, really. But I've always been full blown ninja...heavy on the stealth.
You're pretty sma...
At least, compared to me.
yeah, you're pretty gigantor.
I don't know about all THAT, Tiny.
No, I'm pretty sure you're part tree.
Jealousy!
Red hot!
I think your current height is a better look. Stick with it and don't grown any.
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