Monday, June 21, 2010

More M-Pie

These past few years I've been so concerned that something was damaged inside of me, where I was unable to feel connections to new people and find love in new places. Maybe - despite my normal optimistic view on life - I had just become too world-weary. So I was pretty ecstatic that I was able to feel some excitement for a few new people this year, though that fizzled out pretty rapidly. Still, it showed I had the capacity and I thought at least that was a sign I was not broken. Which is good because I don't really believe I am.

Instead, I wonder if I'm not damaged, but if I'm just too biased towards you and this connection we've had for a decade. Even when we don't speak for a while, during every relationship there's always you there in the back of my mind and often very much in the front of it. And when that relationship falls apart, I think, "well of course it did, it's not her".

Apparently I'm still holding out for you sometime down the road. It was easier when I thought you were doing the same, but yet here I am. It's easy, really. I've had a lot of practice at this. You might even call me a master at it. And being the optimist that I am, I refuse to believe it was time wasted that won't amount to anything.

I am walking through midnight, singing in chains