Monday, February 01, 2010

I've Watched You Change

I am continually surprised with how people's feelings or attitude change for no apparent reason, overnight. If I could trade a year of my life for 5 minutes wandering around in someone's brain to unravel these mysteries, I'd do so without hesitation. A year is rather a short period when you consider how much time I ponder over these changes with no hope of finding answers on my own. Constantly searching, never discovering.

If people could be more forthcoming with reasoning, life would be simpler. In a good way, not in a diminishing way. But I'm guilty of a little secrecy, myself. It's easy for me to say all of this, despite how easy it is to misunderstand my own feelings. I never know what I'm thinking, why should I expect more from others? Yet I do. I realize the injustice in this but I'm powerless to control it. It's not that I feel it's required for everyone but me to be more in-tune with themselves, but I simply feel the need of a little clarify every now and again. For my own sanity.

People can be so secretive about what is going on in their minds. I need some brutal honesty for a change. Untie this string that you use to drag me along and allow me to get my footing for once.

I have improvements I need to make. The next time someone changes so dramatically, or vanishes, I should allow it. I should let them disappear from my mind instead of mentally chasing them forever. I don't have the stamina for long pursuits anymore and I've yet to let anyone fully diminish. I'm exhausted.

Dramatic gestures have always failed me; it's time to simplify.

And maybe I'm too young to keep good love from going wrong, but tonight you're on my mind, never know

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