Monday, January 04, 2010


It's been quite a long time since I fell in love for the first time. I still think about her - never forget her. That's not really in my capacity. Even if I've only seen her a handful of times in the last 10 years, she's there. She's part of who I am.

Yet over all the years, she may not have been physically present, but she was consistent. I would on occasion be updated on major events in her life. A big move. When she was getting married. Even when she was had a child. I was somewhere in her mind too, if only a weak presence. So, while apart, we were always connected even if only by a thin thread.

When today I found out by chance that she had a another son, I knew that thread had finally broken. I guess she has fully moved on at last.

The realistic side of me is glad, though the selfish part of me is hurt. But I suppress it; that side of me has no place anymore.

But with the freedom this severing is forcing upon me, maybe I can finally stretch my legs and distance myself from the past and get a little closer to the future. Though I realize before starting out that no matter how far away I get, there's a part of me that I left behind on her doorstep. I've never been able to get it back. Please keep it somewhere safe and look at it from time to time if you ever feel unloved and realize that will never be true.

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